Fall from Designation

Father-figure, the phrase brings to mind an image of someone that we look up to. Someone who guides and protects; whose strong hand we cling on to lift ourselves out of pitfalls – large or small. Even after we grow-up, we never seem to grow beyond the sense of security and confidence that this person instills at times of crisis. It’s an image that is larger than life – an image of unfathomable strength and wisdom, of quiet assurance. It’s also an image which is just beyond the daily details, somewhat distant and slightly removed from the mundane. It gives him the aura that we so love to depend on - the image of a father.

With nuclear families, working parents and the daily grind, the sheen is wearing off. Demands of modern life have made the father part of the routine. He is not anymore the person for whom breakfast and newspaper wait on the table. He is the one that is making the breakfast. As a member of the family, he shares the chores. Once keeper of the house, he is now part of housekeeping. Father today, is very much part of the threadbare daily details.

The sheer presence that restored order, changed ruckus to a whisper, the single glance that signalled that line has been crossed - is a lost paradigm. It’s a loss that families will not be able to replenish easily. It was a role that is as essential as that of the mother's all pervasive endearing one. Together, they were the ‘ying’ and ‘yang’ that made parenthood complete. Father used to step in only as an exception. He was the instrument that was rarely used and hence had an aura of omnipotence that made his influence even stronger.

When father intervened, it was the last word. It had an air of finality that was beyond questioning. In today’s world that seems so unreasonable. Fact is, not everything can be reasoned out by all at all points of time. There is immense value of learning to act just on faith or simply because someone of substance has told you so. We, especially children, can’t always be logically convinced. The latter requires an understanding that only comes with experience. How can we do something when we do not even have the maturity to appreciate the need of it? We do it on faith. We do it because we have the faith in the person asking us. We do it because we trust he knows. That is how we learn. We learn to cycle, we learn to swim; we learn to try even when it seems futile. That is why we spend hours in study when instinct wants to play. Acting on faith is an ability that helps us stay on course even when we have no experience to make a judgement on it. Father is one of the first symbols of faith in our lives; at least he used to be. Not anymore. As misdirected notions of rights and fairness seep through the foundations of families and the daily grind chips away the sanctity of roles, we have lost the perspective of role play. We have lost our father figures. We have chosen to lose them.

On a chess board the queen wields the power. She can move in all directions as far she wants to. The King can only take one step at a time. Still we lose the game if we let the king be checkmated. It’s not about what power one has. It’s about the role one plays. More importantly, it is about the roles one let’s others play in pursuit of a win - be it at home or on the 64 squares of the board.