Phew!..That was some week. Happening one.
It’s been business, as usual these days. Everything’s so hollow upon closer scrutiny.
Meanwhile, I had my b’day. Celebrated with my relatives at an Elephant Training Camp, about 90 kms from Jog Falls. It was awesome. Then had one more bash with my closest friends. Got lovely gifts.
Birthdays usually begin with resolutions. The most common resolutions, I have noticed, are to give up some forms of addiction or the other. Over the years I have seen many of my friends resolve to give up smoking, drinking, chocolates, caffeine, speeding, hash, carbs, transfats, going late to work, etc. The list is long but, luckily, most resolutions don’t last that long. They are not meant to.
My birthday was on a Monday. I did my usual. I switched off my everyday life, pondered over things that matter to me, none of them of any earth shaking importance to either me or the world at large. I went into what I call a retreat. It’s a space I occupy for a couple of days. Yes, there were things I was supposed to do which I didn’t, much to the disappointment of my friends and family. But then, this is one day I keep for myself. And no, I have no desire on that day to contemplate any kind of denial. Ergo, I don’t make any resolutions. On the contrary, I try on every birthday to acquire some new addictions, live my life richer, fuller, learn something new.
Dad had a silly request asking me to pursue MS abroad. I laugh when I type this too. I said No, much to his disappointment but I have promised him that I would study something else in the best school here. At 56, I don’t understand why he wants me to follow the standard template dream which the others all did. It’s a silly idea to spend the best years elsewhere enduring a hundred thousand pains, missing a hundred lac fun. I don’t wanna get into the logistics (laughs). I am very direct and the details can pain the readers (the standard template readers).
Well, I had an interesting TO-DO (a hundred things to do before I die) list made recently. I wanna have everything ticked against it. Everybody will have this list, isnt it? We just don’t work towards it. All the big things I set out to do, I am pretty much done with – (I successfully got out of Manipal (laughs)). But all the small things, the ones that really excite me, I have missed out on the way. It’s no use trying to climb EVEREST if you can’t make a perfect Masala Dosa. Most of us don’t figure this out till it’s too late. And the reason is: We have all been programmed to perpetually hunt down and fulfil the big tasks of life. By the time we get down to the fun stuff, the successes have taken their toll and we have lost the ability to see the smaller things, let alone enjoy them. Would Mukesh, after breaking all those world records and making all that money, get time to go back to his childhood stamp collection and find a Penny Black?
That’s the problem with success. In fact, that’s the problem with our lives. We are always chasing The Big Dream. It’s only when you fulfil your larger than life ambitions that you realise how hollow they actually were. Ask Bill Gates. Or Warren Buffet. When they realised how boring it was to reach the pinnacle of wealth, they turned to charity. They are now spending double the time and effort they spent on amassing their wealth on trying to get rid of it in the name of philanthropy. They should be actually wondering why they didn’t do it in the first place, like Mother Teresa. She created the biggest empire of charity in the world with Rs 10, a pair of blue bordered white saris, a bucket and a mug to call her own and she did a damned good job of it. Dr.Devi Shetty is doing the right thing, isn’t it?
It’s these small things in our written list that are the most important. You miss them even more when you succeed with the big ones. And if you don’t succeed with the big ones, it’s worse. You consume your whole life chasing them. In the process, the real stuff goes missing. And those are the things that make life worth living. Any idiot can make lots of money, and many do. Just look around you and see if I am wrong. Would you really like to spend your whole life migrating from a BMW to an Audi or a Dior to a Bottega, or would you prefer to take a chance and choose a life that allows you to experience the magic, the vastness, the excitement of being on this amazing planet? One of the things in life I miss out on doing is what Bear Grylls keeps doing all the time. Like entering the Mojave Desert hanging inverted under a biplane at 8,000 feet. Since you can’t skydive from a biplane, the pilot flips the plane upside down and drops you out. Now that’s something I would like to experience. I would love to be lost in the middle of Bandipur forest or Kodachadri mountains trying to find my way out. Or find myself in Aokigahara, the Sea of Trees at the base of Mount Fuji, where not only wild animals but also the great demons reside.
I would have liked to play chess better than Bobby. Or solve the Riemann Hypothesis or exact a bank robbery as written in Artemis Fowl – The genius intelligent criminal he is, problems that cleverer men than me have struggled over unsuccessfully for years.Or argue like Sorabjee. I would have liked to challenge Blake Edwards, film director and brilliant card shark who died to a game of blackjack. He had boasted he could take anyone to the cleaners in a game of cards and make love to a woman at the same time. I am sure, with practise, I could improve on that. I wish I could converse better with dogs, particularly the ones roaming the street outside my home. Or go boating in the Bhadra river where legend has it that there are many whirlpools which has sucked in hundreds of men. Or sing a Kishore Kumar song for her to the perfect tune. Or pour coffee 180 degrees from glass to glass like the Sukh Sagar fellow does it. These are things I always wanted to do.
They are not really all that small, when you look back at them. But then nothing on your bucket list is ever big or small. It’s what you make of them. Life’s not transactional. Life’s about choices. Most of us are so busy chasing our standard template dreams that we never notice the ones on the sideline. It’s only when you get back to your list or update it from time to time that you notice all the stuff you missed out on. And then, all that you actually achieved looks so trite, trivial and unnecessary that you wish you had another shot at life. Life is definitely not VAT-69.
Have fun. Gotta study.
ISB calling? Ssshhhhh..
Scale, speed and silence.
Vintage Jd.
Like you say, the small things you mention aren't really small. They appear more like things that make life fun, and should be done regardless of the big things. If you have 3 months to live then you can still strike off the fun things in your list like Randy Pausch did. But if you die suddenly, and you haven't had your share of fun, it will appear to others still living that justice was not done. (it doesn't matter to you either way, you are dead.) So, it appears important to sprinkle your life with fun things, so that you don't end up in the latter situation.
ReplyDeleteThe standard template dream is because of the "frog in a well" syndrome. It is because you don't really know what is possible. And the culture around you doesn't encourage taking risks. It is certainly getting better with each generation. Our parents were brought up in remote villages, didn't know of the possibilities that existed. We understand the possibilities, but are not yet there to act on it. The next generation will be better at this than us.
It is also interesting that people who succeed don't really think their dream is standard. (Gates/Buffet/Zuck) It is what they have always wanted to do and like doing.